I’ve only read “Candide” by Voltaire, and through the book he’s making equally profound realizations. I read the whole book in less than 24 hours and spent a good hour or two ranting and raving to my dad, brother, and self about the ending.


Save some time for howlin at the moon

Half the businesses are art galleries and the other half are psychics.
Half your view is red rock and the other half bright blue sky.

And if you can manage between the coyote howls and the cactus needles, you can find something very special. Something of great value. A treasure.

The treasure isn’t out in the desert, but that’s where you’ll find it. Hiding under the sand and behind the dunes of your ego.

The desert just serves as the sand paper, scraping away the build up of gunk and cleaning up the cracks you’ve accumulated through living uncritically.

Just like a beautiful piece of juniper wood covered by years of old paint, if you are diligent enough, you can get back to the blooming beautiful basics. The gorgeous natural grain that lies beneath all the outer layers and stains.

The paint fades fast, and it’s not long before you need to apply another coat. People continually take the easy way out, applying coat after coat of that useless fake exterior.

Abandon the fake shiny appearance.
Gorgeous natural grain.

2 seconds

I watched this video of the explosions at the Boston Marathon, but I could only get 10 seconds into it. Then I couldn’t help but replay those first 10 seconds.
Only the first 10 seconds every time.

As the video begins, you see a couple runners finishing up. You see the sidelines, lined with differing people and flags, all tucked and squished behind the fences that line this year’s running of the world’s oldest annual marathon. You hear cheering and clapping and an announcer over a loudspeaker saying something in a calm, informative manner. It’s a happy scene.

The bomb explodes six seconds into the video.

The following 2 seconds were intense, emotional, and anxiety stricken. I was in complete disbelief. 2 seconds. Disturbingly fascinating.

I could not fathom any reason anyone would ever do this. Flipping on the individual that your significant other is cheating on you with is one thing. That, and plenty of other crimes, are understandable to me. I see them as mistakes, or flaws in judgement, but none the less, made by human beings. People beat up and raped by life often return return the favor to weak targets. Crimes like those are deplorable acts, and people responsible lack self control, empathy, respect and many other things integral to a positive human experience. Yet I still understand that they will happen.

Robbing a store?

Drinking and driving?

Deplorable, yet understandable.

The motives that lead to that explosion in Boston, I’ll never understand.

But those 2 seconds.

The reason I kept replaying the video was to try and put myself in that position. Empathizing.

Immediately after the explosion, there’s 2 seconds. 2 seconds of silence.┬áThe announcer stops talking. People aren’t cheering, but people aren’t screaming either.

I couldn’t stop thinking about all the thoughts surging, crashing, flying, diving, and hiding in everyone’s brains as they scramble to grasp what was going on. For 2 seconds, the people understandably froze.

Pause the video just right around 6 seconds, you’ll see the flames from the explosion, but no ones reacted. They’re just hearing the noise. First impression. It’s sickening to stare at and think about, but I can’t help it.

It’s the ultimate image of innocence lost. A still view of victory, courage, and hard work, right before it’s dropped completely into utter chaos and fear by a selfish, disgusting act.

I’ll sit for hours thinking about those 2 seconds. The silent frantic clawing of thoughts searching for explanation and solution.

1) What the fuck
2) Where the fuck do I go
3) Why the fuck
4) Who the fuck

It’s a nauseating thought sequence.

It’s a horrible tragedy. How anyone sings praises for mass deaths of innocent humans is beyond anything I’m capable of understanding. No incentive is worth causing so much pain. The despicable cause of this event is not worthy of being treated human. Tragedies like this don’t fit into my moral equations. The rules don’t apply. Every human’s got a right to trial, but let the beasts burn.

Lie in Our Graves

We lie in our graves

I mean we’re untruthful in death

And I would like to tackle this tasteless tradition

At my grave, let the preacher say “well shit, even if there is a heaven, this guy lived more down here on earth than those angels ever could up there with the squares”

I don’t need a heaven
I just need summer nights and morning hikes
Pretty art and prettier girls
With a beautiful landscape to wrap it all up in one neat little adventure

Life is a free concert
But you can’t crowd surf to the front if you’re scared of death
And you’ll never jump on stage if you’re nervous about getting into heaven
And after the band dies
You bring it back to life for an encore
And their best song is that one your parents didn’t want you to listen to

A Tremendous Equalizer

Everyone needs or should feel the need to experience a place like this. A tremendous equalizer. Everything falls into place after you’ve climbed these giant red rocks. Oh the things I’ve conquered out here. My only fear is this awesome adventurous spirit doesn’t leave this place with me, but that fear doesn’t stand a chance against my new inspired psyche. Any doubts I have out here are swiftly rushed out of me by the wind, and smashed against the broad face of this beautiful countryside. This is a place of change. Many rites of passage took place here, it’s a great place to screw your head on right.

A short flight from Rockford to Phoenix

As the plane starts to move I’m all smiles, eagerly anticipating our take off. All it takes is 60 seconds of this in order for pure terror to take hold. The bumps under the wheels do nothing to calm my nerves. I worry about my father, one seat up , for whom this whole experience may very well be a nightmare. It’s enough to drive this extraordinarily sober man into the arms of drugs. Simple anxiety medicine, but it’s more drug than he’s had in the past two years combined. Controlling the thoughts flying into your head is more important and difficult now than ever.

“The menace is …

“The menace is loose again. The Hell’s Angels, the hundred carat headline, running fast and loud on the early morning freeway, low in the saddle, nobody smiles, jamming crazy through traffic and ninety miles an hour down the center stripe, missing by inches… Like Genghis Khan on an iron horse, a monster steed with a fiery anus, flat out through the eye of a beer can and up your daughter’s leg with no quarter asked and none given; show the squares some class, give em a whiff of those kicks they’ll never know.”

Hunter S. Thompson, Hell’s Angels
Those angels are INSANE. HST will tell ya all about it.